My name is Amanda, and I am 42 years old. Like everyone else, I have a story. Mine may not seem more remarkable than anyone else’s, but it is a miracle—just like yours. God loves me, and Jesus saved me. Because of these two truths, I now have two stories instead of one that was leading to death.
The story I tried to write for myself has finally ended, thanks to God. The story He is writing for me will never end, thanks to Jesus!
My mother, Beverly, struggled with addiction, but by the grace of God, she too now has two stories. I had a few fathers in my life, but they were either absent, addicted, or cruel. None of them stayed. One did care, but tragically, he took his own life almost 20 years ago.
I have three half-siblings and a couple of step-siblings, but I rarely speak to them. I don’t even know much about their lives—who they’ve become, where they work, or if they are saved—except for my sister Rebecca. She is a graduate of the Freeway Ministries Women’s House, and we’ve just begun to rebuild our relationship, thanks to God.
I was married once, to a terrible and abusive man. He would read the Bible to me to show how wicked and evil I was, telling me I was doomed to hell if I ever challenged him or left. I was too scared to read it for myself, afraid of what else I might find. For eight years, I wanted my life to end. I thought God hated me or that I had done something so wrong that my life was filled with nothing but darkness and chaos. I prayed every single day for God to be merciful and let me die, convinced that everyone would be better off without me. I believed I was the reason everything was wrong.
When my ex-husband began directing his anger toward our children, I finally left. His anger turned into hatred and wrath. He hunted me, stalked me, and threatened to kill our children if I didn’t come back. When I didn’t, he took the kids. He manipulated the legal system and won sole custody. I couldn’t even call them. My life, as I knew it, was over, and I plunged into addiction, with no intention of ever coming out.
But God! His plans for me were different. He knew I would put another’s life before my own, so I became pregnant. When my daughter was born in 2012, I wanted to leave the darkness but didn’t know how. By 2016, I found myself in a homeless shelter in Springfield. One of the other moms invited me to Freeway Ministries, saying they would give me free food and clothes. I was sold! I never expected that God would change my life that night in a basketball gym. That was the moment my real story began.
The next year, I moved to Florida, thinking I could manage on my own, but I quickly learned how unequipped I was to deal with life without God. I tried everything over the next five or six years—rehab, sobriety programs, Oxford Houses. I even completed an 18-month drug court treatment program, but the darkness still wouldn’t let go of me. I would get a great job and a place to live, but I’d end up back on the streets with my daughter.
In the summer of 2023, I had the chance to have both my daughters with me, but four days later, my 14-year-old attempted suicide, and two days after that, my 10-year-old ran away. My car broke down, I lost my job, and then my house. Just like that, everything was gone again. I felt like a failure, like I was never meant to escape the darkness. My oldest daughter went to the state, and my youngest went to her dad’s for the summer. My mom suggested I try Freeway again, so I did the opposite and ran to New Mexico.
Within four days of being in Albuquerque, I was back in a shelter, more broken, lost, and alone than ever before.
But God! He met me in the desert at a Christian homeless shelter. He reminded me that my brokenness, my inability, and my weaknesses were so easy for Him to handle—if only I would let Him take over. He had always been enough, but I had only been looking at myself. I knew I had to return to Freeway Ministries.
I made it back to my mom’s on a Monday morning. We made plans to go to Freeway that Saturday to inquire about the women’s house. My mom wouldn’t let me stay with her, and I had only $20 to my name. I found a campsite for the homeless that cost $10 a night and stayed there on Monday. The next morning, I went to the VA for breakfast and planned to check out a local homeless program for help. But if you know Freeway, you’ll know what happens at the VA Welcome Center on a Tuesday morning in September- Freeway MInistries comes to pick up people at the VA for the Shower Trailer!
After breakfast, Freeway showed up, and God told me it was time. I walked in, asking for an application, not a shower. Feeling ashamed to be back after all these years, a few people recognized me immediately and loved me just the way they had when I left. I interviewed with Kimberly Estell on the spot, and the next morning, I became the second woman to enter the newly opened Marshfield Freeway Women’s House.
God’s timing is impeccable. His plan is flawless. It was me standing in the way of my new story. It wasn’t until I fully admitted defeat and completely surrendered my life to God that things began to change. Being here hasn’t been easy, but I can’t even count the blessings I’ve experienced in the past year.
Kim once gave me a homework assignment to count the cost of becoming a disciple. I had to reflect on my past and how unwilling I was to give up anything for Freeway, let alone for God. Coming here, I had to give up everything—people I called family, friends who weren’t really friends, and even my child (for a year). I even let Kim convince me to throw away all my clothes and the suitcase I had packed. But in giving up the life I thought I had, I gained so much more. This wasn’t a cost; it was a reward.
I now have a real family—my church family. I have more love and support than I ever thought possible. I have a future. My 11-year-old daughter was saved, and we were baptized together. The blessings far outweigh the cost!
God is present in my life! He continues to reveal Himself to me whenever I ask. He shows me how to be obedient and disciplines me when I’m not. He teaches me how to love others by showing me how He loves me. He encourages me through everything!
God has given me a new story. I have a new family. And I have an awesome God! Thank you, God, for pursuing me, for never giving up on me, for loving someone as undeserving as me, and for letting me be a part of Your story!